Oh, Vanity! Oh, Cuteness!

....oh, where did all my chips go?

I sometimes think the game that poker most resembles is rock, paper, scissors - except that instead of three objects there are three thousand different things that beat each other in different ways. Spark plugs beat paper clips but cell phones beat spark plugs. Coffee pots beat parking tickets which beat alarm clocks which beat...well, you get the idea. Your style of play may work against certain types of opponents, but be disastrous against others. The great poker players are the ones who can tell a can opener from a gas pedal and change themselves from a D-cell battery into a bowl of guacamole.

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I came into the poker room in the perfect mind-state; calm and confident - but instead of allowing caution to temper my confidence I let my ego take over and become cocky and cute. Then I became broke. I wont bore you with a card-by-card retelling. I simply under-estimated an opponent. He suckered me. How did he do it? How did he convince me he was a moron when in fact he was a genius? He simply looked up at the TV nearest our table and said, "There is a new Harold and Kumar movie coming out? Sweet!".

Now I ask you, is there a poker player in the world who upon hearing those words would not be convinced that the speaker (who, by the way, was drinking chocolate milk and resembled Alfred E. Newman) would soon be busted out? I certainly thought so and I eagerly waited to see how many of his chips would end up in front of me. The problem was that Alfred turned out to be the best poker player I have ever played against. He is amazing. And at the time I could not admit he was better than I because, well, he said that thing about Harold and Kumar so obviously he is an idiot. An idiot who got all my chips.

In retrospect I think Alfred is simply a type of player I have not developed an effective counter-strategy for yet. So, while I lick my wounds I hope I have learned something that will make me a better player down the road.

We'll meet again Mr. Newman.

The ITBSMCTBPA trick

I didn't invent this trick, but I witnessed someone using it once to great effect and I have used it more than once myself. I call it the "I'm too busy stacking my chips to be paying attention" trick.

Here is how it works. Whenever I have just won a really big pot I let myself talk about how happy -or lucky- I am. I send the message that I'm just some shlub who doesn't play a lot of poker and gee I'm really happy I won this big pot. I really take my time gathering, sorting and stacking my chips and I pay no attention to the cards dealt for the next hand until its my turn to act. Usually I have rags and I muck them and that's that. If, however, I have been dealt strong cards I will bet them with a kind "whatever" attitude. The message I hope to send is that I just won all these chips so I'm gonna gamble now because I can afford to lose. I go right back to sorting my chips and I don't even look up until the flop is dealt.

I try to give out a "yeah, sure - I'm here to gamble vibe" and it is surprising how often this works. Opponents often do not give me credit for actually having a hand and call bets they would normally fold to.

It takes some acting, but not much since I really am happy and excited about winning that last pot - it's more just looking distracted until the point comes that I do the "gee - I guess I should be paying attention here" act. This usually involves me checking my hole cards again ( message: I am so distracted I can't remember what I have) before playing the hand out.

So there you go. That's the ITBSMCTBPA trick. Try it sometime.

And be careful that someone doesn't try it on you.

Donkey Gets Greedy, Donkey Gets Punched.

"Donkey gets greedy, donkey gets punched" is a mantra and a reminder. It is also the title of a really good short story by Steve Almond. I was involved in a good donkey-punching yesterday when I was dealt 2-4 off suit in the big blind in a $1-$2 NLHE game. Six guys limped in and I saw the flop for free: 3c 5d 9c.

I bet $10 and the guy under the gun, who is critically short-stacked, goes all-in with his last $35. He gets one caller and it folds back to me. With $95 in the pot, I'm getting good pot odds so I put in the $25 difference. The turn brings an ace (not of clubs), giving me the straight. I bet $100 and the third player folds. The all-in guy shows pocket jacks. The river is a blank and I scoop up a $120 pot that took almost no skill on my part to win.

What happened? Mr. Fish-hooks got greedy and got punched. With JJ he sould have made a decent raise pre-flop instead of just limping and letting hands like 2 4 off into the action. He was greedy, hoping to build the pot up before taking it. If you want to buid the pot, do it by raising. It would be better to bet $10, get one caller and then have just one hand to beat post-flop than limping, getting six callers and having six hands to beat.