Busting the Lagtard

The names in this blog have not been changed to protect anyone. If Francis ever reads this (extremely unlikely!) I would hope that instead of being offended, he could learn something.

You will often hear of poker players being classified in four basic ways; tight-weak, tight-aggressive, loose-weak and loose-aggressive. "Tight" refers to a tendency to only play good hands, while a "loose" player will play more hands with a wider range of hole cards. An aggressive player bets often and bets heavy - thus always keeping pressure on their opponents.  A "weak" or "passive" player is cautious and will usually only bet when they are certain they are ahead. These are just generalizations, of course, and if you go out there thinking that there are only four types of players - and that a player can not switch styles in the middle of a game - then you are kidding yourself. Anyway, generalizations are helpful when trying to simplify things. So lets just play along for a minute.

It is widely believed that in no-limit hold'em, being aggressive is crucial. This is what attracts the macho men to the game - the idea that they can win with sheer balls and bullshit. The loose aggressive player (often denoted as LAG on poker blogs) is often the most successful model - but to be successful long term a LAG must be able to sense when they have run up against a player holding a hand they simply will not fold. If the LAG never learns to take his foot off the gas, eventually he will loose all his chips when his opponent flops the nuts and the LAG tries to bluff him. This is where aggression crosses the line into stupidity, and such players are sometimes referred to as Lagtards - guys who don't know when to stop.

Francis, is a lagtard.

Francis plays a lot of hands To be fair he doesn't always try to scoop every pot he plays, but he does bluff an awful lot. His worst problem is that when an opponent makes a big bet, Francis too often assumes it is a bluff - probably because he assumes the other guy is playing the way he himself plays - and so gets caught playing inferior hands against opponents he can't bluff. Still, his sheer aggression wins him a lot of pots. I have seen him build $200 into $1200 in about ninety minutes. I have seen him lose $1200 in about ten minutes.

In my post small stakes-big pots I related a hand in which Francis lost over $750 in a single hand, leaving him with only $350 in chips. When a lagtard looses a big pot, they often respond by stomping on the gas even harder, and that is exactly what Francis did on the very next hand. I was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to be the wall he would drive full speed into.

I was two off the button and had been dealt pocket queens. A ten dollar bet seemed appropriate, so threw out two $5 chips. The table was still buzzing about the massive pot we had all just witnessed, so little attention was being paid to the current hand. Tom folded and got back to stacking his chips. Francis, in the small blind, raised it to $30. Big blind folded and I called. The flop was something like J 9 4 rainbow - nothing scary. I bet $40 and Francis called. The turn was a Queen, giving me top set but also raising the possibility of a straight. I checked and Francis pushed all-in. Now could he have a straight? Maybe - but if he did, why would he bet so much? No, he'd bet a smaller amount with the straight. This all-in is a classic lagtard bluff. I call.

The river is a low card. I turn over my set and Francis starts cursing. He curses his bad luck. He leaves the table. Seat open.

Tom says "What is his problem? He was behind in that hand all the way - what is he so upset about?"

I think he is upset that he was so incredibly unlucky that he ran into a hand he could not bluff. This is the lament of the lagtard. They believe they are skillful when they just being reckless. They believe they can dance in a minefield and then they curse their bad luck when they step on a mine.

Meet the Table Nazi

There are lots of rules to playing poker live and each casino has their own rules. At some places you are not allowed to show another player your hole cards - even if you are mucking and the player is not in the hand. One casino might have a rule against wearing a hoodie (seriously!) - another might not allow you to come back to the same table you left without exactly the same amount of chips you left with until 45 minutes have elapsed.

I think it is up to the players to know the casino rules and it is up to the dealers and floor managers to enforce them. Some players, however, think it is their job to tell everyone else what to do. These are the table Nazi's and they come in all shapes and sizes.

On my last trip to the casino I met a table Nazi. This one decided to assume the human form of busty young woman in tight clothes and over sized sunglasses. She was over bearing, arrogant and told everybody how they should behave. I don't know if behavior like this is designed to put other people off their games. Maybe sometimes it is. In this particular case she seemed like a genuine asshole.


Also at the table was a young Asian guy who I had seen at the casino a lot. For some reason the Nazi seemed to be making the Asian kid her main target, needling him when ever he lost a big pot. The kid was sitting directly on her left, so maybe she was trying to goad him into making bad calls. After an hour of this, the kid moved to an open seat on the other side of the table. Fifteen minutes after that the seat on his right came open and the Nazi moved beside him! I could see the kid was very uncomfortable and kind of felt sorry for him, but I guess it is part of the game. What soon happened, however, was just plain bad manners.


The kid was on the big blind when it limped to him. The dealer must have thought he checked because he started to deal the flop when the kid said, "Wait! I want to raise!"


"Oh, sorry, I thought you checked." said the dealer, who had not yet dealt the flop.


"No, I was still thinking. I want to raise it $30."


"It too late!" screeched the Nazi, "You tapped the table! You checked!"


A big argument breaks out as to whether or not this is a legal bet. The dealer decides to let the kid's raise stand, which makes the Nazi fume. Everyone folds to her in the small blind, and she says "Screw you, asshole! I call."


As the dealer starts to deal the flop she says, "If I so much as hit a pair I'm pushing all in, you lousy bastard!"


The board looks harmless: 9h 6d 3c


"All in!" she snaps.


The kid looks miserable. She has bet about $200 into pot of about $70. After agonizing for a minute he calls and shows AK suited.

"Two pair!" yells the Nazi, showing her 3c 6c. "YEAH!" The turn and river bring no help to the kid, who cuts $200 out of his stack.

"The only thing better than doubling up with 3-6, is doing through an angle-shooter like you!" ,and then she actually gives him a little shove! If she were anything but some hot chick that poker nerds are afraid to talk to there would be no way she would get away with that kind of shit. If a dude said and did those things he would have been punched.

Asian guy was now on major tilt and lost the last of his chips to me a couple hands later when I flopped a set of aces. He made a very bad call to me - one he would never have made if the Nazi had not got under his skin.

If you ever find yourself getting mad at a player do not let it effect your game. Easier said than done, I know, but if you can't keep your desire for revenge in check then move to another table, or take a long break.

Wink: The Ninja Who Wanted to be Noticed

Another example of how reading fine literature will make you a better poker player.

Wink is very excited to have been accepted to the Summer Moon School for Ninjas - he can't wait to show everyone what a great ninja he is! But it becomes apparent Winks' desire for recognition is a problem. Master Zutsu tries to teach Wink with wise sayings such as "The flower that flaunts its colours is the first to be plucked!" But Wink can't help himself - he just has to be the centre of attention. After all, what is the point of being an awesome ninja if nobody notices?

The other day at the poker table there was a guy who had to let everyone know what a poker genius he was. After every hand Wink (as I called him) would say how he knew exactly what somebody had for this or that reason, or why even though he lost he had made a smart move. Predictably, Wink didn't last too long.

The Wink types are the easiest to beat because they beat themselves. They are always trying the fancy moves. They bluff too much. They suspect that others are bluffing when they are not. They are in it for thrills and to win the admiration of others.

Don't be a Wink. Remember the wisdom of Master Zutsu; "The loudest cricket is the first to be caught."

A Good Time to Bluff

I'm sorry to say I can't remember exactly where I heard this, but I recall a pro offering the following advice. I'm dutifully passing it along as it seems sensible to me.



It is advisable, generally speaking, to try to get "tight-weak" or "loose-weak" opponents heads up. By "weak" I mean players who lay their hands down without a great deal of pressure. By getting such players heads-up you stand a very good chance of simply scooping the pot with a good sized bet post-flop. If the player calls, you can shut it down and minimize your losses, but such losses should be more than off-set by the number of pots you will win. Your success, of course, depends mostly on a proper read of your opponent, but knowing which flops are best to bluff is important too. Our anonymous professional said that the ideal flop has one high card and two low cards in it - your opponent is unlikely to have connected with this and will be unable to call your continuation bet.

How big should your bets be? Our pro suggests that your post-flop bluff be about 2/3 the pot, but it depends on the situation. The idea is to bet the smallest amount that you think will be enough to make your opponent fold, that way you minimize your losses if they got lucky and connected with the flop. Think of it as a "value bluff"; the opposite of a value bet (when you think you are ahead and bet the maximum amount you think your opponent will call.)

Try to get heads-up by raising a guy who limped in (limping is usually a sign of a weaker player). If you get called by someone else behind you, that might be okay if they too are weak. Our pro says betting a "one high - two low" flop is effective three-way as well as heads up.

As always, general rules like this can go out the window in any number of specific situations. If you have a loose table image, even a weak player might decide to play back at you. This is just another example of how "playing the person" is often more important than "playing the cards"

Bullies and Goaders

I've gone to the Casino enough to start to get to know some of the other players. Most of them I've made my own names for.

Grumpy Old Guy (see last post) is a bearded older fellow who seems to never speak unless it is to criticize the play of others. His style is to try to get under the skin of his opponents, so that when he has a strong hand they will allow their desire to beat him get them into trouble. He is a goader. I like playing against goaders because they tend to be unimaginative players- they don't tend to try outrageous bluffs or weird moves. When GOG gets a strong hand, he makes a big bet. He is hoping that his big bet will be seen as an extension of his verbal bluster, and that someone with a weaker hand will "stand up to him".

Here is the difference between a bully and a goader: a bully acts aggressively to get you to fold while a goader acts aggressively to get you to call. While their boorish table manners may be the same, the bully bets big with weak cards to steamroll opponents- and eventually people catch on, and start pushing back. Goaders want to be mistaken for bullies - they want you to push back, because they have the cards to back up their hands.

When you are playing with a loud, rude person try to determine if he (or she) is a bully or a goader by paying attention to the relation between the size of their bets and the strength of their cards. Adjust your play accordingly.