A Cautionary Tale of Woe

The story you are about to read is true. It just reads like bad fiction. The name (Stephen Green) has been changed to protect the innocent and to cover for my bad memory.

I had been at the poker room for over and hour and was yet to win a hand. I was playing my usual tight game but the table was very aggressive and it was costing me to see the flop when I got decent cards. I could not hit a flop to save my life and was considering just cashing out. I didn't seem like it was going to be my day. I could go home and write a nice little blog about why  it is wise to cash out when things are not clicking.

Then Fish Boy sat down at the table with about $250 in chips. Fish Boy was kid in a crisp white dress shirt - a good looking kid with a model's complexion and perfectly gelled hair. While he didn't give off a nervous vibe he seemed unsure of how the mechanics of the game worked- I suspected he had success on-line and had come to test his skills in the real world. He posted right away and called a $20 pre-flop bet. He was heads up to see the flop and checked after the flop. His opponent bet $40 and Fish Boy called. Fish Boy checked after the turn. His opponent bet $65 and Fish Boy called. The pot was now around $250, which was pretty big even for this loose table. The river came and Fish Boy checked. His opponent bet $125, which was all Fish Boy had left in front of him. Fish Boy didn't even hesitate before calling. The board was something like Kd 4c 2h Qh 8s. Fish Boy's opponent turned his hand over-Ah 8h - just a pair of eights- a very weak hand. Obviously he was trying to bluff Fish Boy, but just as obviously Fish Boy has, at minimum, a King, otherwise he would not have called down the line. Right? Amazingly, Fish Boy looks crushed at the pair of eights his opponent has and says "nice hand" and mucks his cards.

Oh. My. God.

Fish Boy pulls out his wallet and fishes out two crisp $100 bills. Any thought I had of leaving this table has disappeared.

The dealer calls out,"Chips on table one, seat three!"

Fish Boy doesn't even seem aware of how incredibly badly he played that hand. He just smiles and says "That sure went fast" as a runner takes his money and goes to get him more chips. This second buy in lasts him about twenty minutes. He busts out again when he flops two pair but doesn't bet it aggressively, giving his opponent pot odds to chase a flush draw that he hits on the river. Only when the flush draw hits does Fish Boy bet, and when he is re-raised Fish Boy calls with second best hand. Classic fish poker.

"I need to go to an ATM. I'll be right back." says Fish Boy. The moment he is out of earshot the table erupts in a discussion of how bad he is. Fifteen minutes later he is back, with only about $120 in chips. before he even sits down he dials a number on his cell phone.

"Hello, my name is Stephen Green, I was in earlier talking to Darlene about my overdraft. If she could call me at 403-249-......."

Seriously? Are we on candid camera? Part of me wants to pull this kid aside and try to convince him that he should leave, but I know I probably couldn't make him see that he has no hope of winning.

It was then that I was dealt Ah 10d. I raised to $15 and was called by Dan,  a tough, aggressive player. Fish Boy also called. The thee of us see the flop: Ac 5h 4s. I bet $35 and both Dan and Fish Boy call me. I figure I am probably ahead of Dan, who I put on a draw of some kind or possibly a weaker ace than mine - he has shown a willingness to call with a very large range. Fish Boy could have any two cards.

The turn makes the board look like this: Ac 5h 4s 9h.  I bet $20 and Dan re-raises me to $40. FishBoy calls of course. What to do, what to do? I have seen Dan bluff and semi-bluff a lot and I feel he his semi-bluffing here.  He seemed pleased with the heart on the turn, which probably means pocket hearts. I only have $110 left, so an all-in push by me might get him off his draw. But then there is is Fish Boy, who could be way ahead of me or way behind me. In the end I decide that the all-in makes the most sense, so I shove all my chips in. Dan starts to mull his decision over when he notices that Fish Boy is getting ready to push his chips forward too - giving him better pot odds. So Dan calls and Fish Boy puts the last of his chips in. I really should be mad at Fish Boy - I would have been happy to have Dan fold rather than risk a heart on the river, but Fish Boy influenced Dan's decision. While I'm not mad, I definitely don't feel sorry for the Fish Boy anymore - he deserves what he gets.

The river is a blank. I show my hand and Dan throws is cards in the muck. Fish Boy says something like "Darn it" and shows that he has pocket kings. Busted again, he leaves for good.

Calling with nothing; giving your opponents the chance to suck out on you; not being able to fold a pocket pair when there is an over card on board and people are betting heavy - these are the things losing players do. Even winning players do them from time to time when they go on tilt.

Don't be a Fish Boy or Fish Girl!