Alright. Here we go.
I've been playing poker for about four years now. Mostly I play with fake-money on a popular internet site but I have played with real money too, both on the internet and in casinos.
I am a financial loser over all. Most of my loses occurred in the first year I played on-line. I, like many others, was attracted to the emotional rush that came with betting and I soon cared less about winning or losing than I did about getting high on poker. Had I been living alone, I probably would have lost a lot more money. Fortunately, I had family around whose love and support made it easier to keep a mildly bad situation from turning into a really bad one. I realized I had lost control, found the will to stop, and promised not to put any more money into my on-line account.
I was able keep my promise for about a year. One day, while playing on the internet the temptation to play for money was too great. I put a small amount in, lost it almost immediately, then put in some more. Within a few days I had lost about week's wages. Again I was able to stop thanks to the help of my family. I stayed away from poker completely for a little while and have been able to keep my promise of no deposits ever since. I only play on-line for fake-money now, or with the small amounts I have won in free rolls.
These days I play poker a few times a week and I love it. I am starting this blog for two reasons: 1) I want to be a better player and I think writing down my opinions and experiences will help me be more objective in my approach to the game, and 2) I really would like to help others become better poker players too. If you are reading this, then I hope you can learn from my experiences and apply them to your own approach to the game.
It is with the second motive in mind that I started this blog with the confession that I was a money-losing-poker-junkie, albeit a mild one. I want to start off by saying I understand that one can experience a very real high from gambling. Gambling is a very serious addiction - one we know less about than drug or alcohol addiction, and one whose devastating effects are not understood by the general public. I would hate for anyone I know to get addicted to gambling so I want to say before I say anything else about poker: Be very careful not to let poker control you. I am speaking from experience when I warn you to watch for the signs you are becoming addicted. I know these signs because I have been there. Signs include:
Hiding your deposits from your spouse or family (or even yourself). If you are ashamed of you behavior and are hiding it, then it is much more likely that you will allow it to become self-destructive. If you are playing poker for money, track the money you deposit very carefully. When I was in my worst phase I completely lost track of how much I had deposited (and lost) until my bank statement came and I found out it was a few hundred dollars more than I thought. Don't let this happen to you. Track it. Tell your partner ever time you make a deposit - if he or she has a problem with money being spent in this manner, then chances are you are losing too much too fast.
Excessive emotional reaction to winning and losing. It is normal and natural to feel good about winning and bad about losing. But do you feel absolutely ecstatic when you pull off a bold bluff? Does busting out send you into a depression for days? If so then poker has too much sway over your emotional well being. Again, I know what I'm talking about. I remember once taking $100 on-line and getting it to over $800 in less than two hours. I was on such I high from the adrenaline rush that I felt that if God himself tried to play me I would bust His ass. I felt absolutely invincible. Of course that high ended with me losing everything on a stupid bluff. I also remember losing bet after bet making bad, desperate decisions. I hated myself so much at that moment that I felt I deserved to lose - and of course I did. I spent several days feeling useless and despising myself. Sound familiar? If poker, or anything, has this kind of hold over you, you have to step away from it. Even the greatest professionals make poker fit their life, rather than making their lives fit poker, so don't delude yourself that obsession is dedication.
You find yourself playing more and more, or at higher and higher levels, in order to "win back" what you have already lost. This might be the most obvious sign. Logic is left out of your decisions now, and you are driven by this feeling that you simply must win back what you have lost. Why? Did the money to play poker come from some place it shouldn't have? Are you scared at the thought of having to explain the lower bank account to your spouse? Is it just internal desperation that drives you now? Whatever the reason, it is almost impossible to play winning poker in such a head space and things will get worse.
So whaddya think? Still want to play poker? I don't want to scare you, but you have to be aware of the dark side of the game and try your goddamn best to make sure the addiction does not get it's hooks in you. And if you do slip, please reach out before you lose more than just money. People love you and will not think less of you if you need help.
Trust me on this.
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